Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
