I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
