Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
