I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
