She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
