Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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