It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
