just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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