she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
