Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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