you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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