I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
