She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
