I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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