how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
