Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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