life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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