Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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