the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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