we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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