Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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