Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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