My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
