He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
