I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
