You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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