i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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