Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least life still wants to fuck me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
