Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she peed on how many people?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
