My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
