I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
