Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
