I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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