Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
