Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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