She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
whose ass print is on the piano?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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