I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
