Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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