I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
