I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
