Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
