Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
