Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
