The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
someone owes me an orgasm
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
