well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
