paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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