That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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