i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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