I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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