Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Green mimosas i think yes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
