I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
